4 Days after Alaska...

Where to begin?


I cannot believe how fast time really does fly by.  When you anticipate something for months and months, trying to picture it in your head, and then it comes...and then just that that; its gone.  You find yourself in a spot where you are trying to process what you just went through while also being thrown back into the reality of the busy, everyday life.


I feel that way today...tired, processing, but choosing Joy, because there is no reason not to!


I thimk this summer in Alaska is kind of like a missions trip, or a trip you come back to and you try to explain it, but it just doesnt come out right. You try to realize..."Did i really do that? Are you sure...?" Well....yes! I can say we did, but ask me to explain it, and it will take awhile, and plus, I need Josh with me to explain it, we are better at explaining it together.


The day we left Alaska, it was a bittersweet moment. We were so excited to go back and see family and friends, but we realized that we would also be leaving a new set of family and friends that we made in Alaska as well...and it was hard (mostly for Josh because, well, he got to fish in Alaska...totally his element) We were not ready to get back to the crazy busyness of our lives and for Josh to go back to a hot welding shop, but we knew that it was time to go home.

We got picked up by our Mama (Joshs mom) Laura and told her all about Alaska while we drove to Yuba City from the airport late Saturday night. We woke up the next morning at 10:45! (we needed the sleep!) We came home to our apartment being close to 90 degrees and sweet notes from Libbie and went through all our mail! It was surreal opening up our door to apartment. It felt way longer than 2 months. I went over and kissed my dishwasher and jumped on my bed in pure Joy that I had these things (kinda sad huh?)

I sat up late talking to Lib as much as I could about trying to explain this trip. Poor Josh had to get up bright and early for work on Monday (we got back to Redding Sunday night) and he was exhausted, but ready to work hard. Today is the first time I finally stopped moving, stopped unpacking (but definitley still doing laundry!) and it kind of hit me. I realized today how truley fortunate I am to live here. Yes its a small apartment, but its just perfect for Josh and I. We dont need anything else but one another.

It took me 20 minutes total to wash my dishes and put them in the dishwasher and push a button. It took a second to light the stove, and one hand movment to flush my toilet. I didnt kiss our communal washer and dryer, but i shouted for joy oy knowing I didnt have to wash clothes by hand. I took one trip to the grocery store two minutes from my apartment to get all the necessities I need. I took a 20 minutes shower enjoying every moment..... Oh how easy we all have it!! I didnt have it this easy in Alaska as a wilderness wild woman (haha) I had to plan each meal (because we only brought one large sum of food for the whole two months (so I had to use everything we brought...we couldnt just go to a store) I had to do dishes by hand in a bucket, one wash bucket, one rinse bucket and heat up warm water which took about an hour. I did laundry in a 5 gallon bucket with pond water and some laundry detergent. I rinsed them out by hand and placed them on the rocks to dry. I did have a nice shower there, but definitley wouldnt spend 20 minutes ( we didnt have that much water)

I am so blessed to be able to have all of these things by just the touch of a button. This summer made me realize how the little things in life mean the most. ReallY! I know its easier said than done...but when you go from doing everything on your own, it really is a lot of work until you have fully expereicned it without the stuff  we use in our daily lives.

So today as I sit and reminise as I  try to process this amazing, yet stretching and challenging summer, I keep realizing and reminding myself how blessed I really am, and I hope I never take this experience for granted.

My heart has been changed, for the better. I want to be a better wife, friend, sister, family member, etc because I know that no matter what is thrown our way, it comes down to community, to loving other people, to choose the good in life and most of all, to believe in ourselves. We are capable to do anything we put our minds to, especially with our faith. The lord was my company, and worked on my hearts in ways I didnt know he could. I also came to realize that I can choose how I react, how I deal with the things that come my way. I can CHOOSE to love life and not focus on all the things i WANT to have, but to WANT and cherish the things I already have.

So I hope today, wherever you are at, you get a realization on how truly blessed you are. It may be a hard season, but you arent forgotton, YOU are loved, just open your eyes and look around you.

Oh Alaska...you will always have a special place in our hearts, because it was just so DANG beautiful, but Redding is our home, and we love coming back to a place where we are loved by so many.

I will post pictures soon, so stay tuned.

Love you all.

Its raining...Its pouring...

I  wish i was...SNORING! :)


July 24th, 2010...

Oh how this trip just keeps Turing into even more of a crazy, wilderness adventure.  Its either I laugh…or I cry. I have been trying to laugh! But I have definitely had my cries.

The browns left two days ago to head home, and that was sad for me, because they have been so great to me this summer and have keep me company. Its really quiet around here now! Its alright though, because we have to realize that fishing is coming to an end, and its time for us to do the things necessary to get ready to head home ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, this has been an experience of a lifetime…but like most things, it has to come to an end. Well…some days I feel like its not coming to an end soon enough! The guys stopped fishing yesterday, and we have until Wed. to tear down camp. This means we have to tear down two cabins and move gear and such. It doesn’t sound too bad, but it’s the end of the fishing season, and we are all pretty exhausted…so tearing down stuff doesn’t seem all that fun.  We started teardown yesterday (Sat) and are supposed to leave camp on Wednesday (it was supposed to be Monday, but because of teardown we extended it)

However, we have had exceptional weather this summer (so I am told) Both caleb and the browns (his fam…the next cabin over to us) say that I brought the sun with me from California…I am SO ok with that! (and plus…God knew I needed sun for my own sanity…and for the guys) So yesterday, we took down the cook cabin…where its warm, and I cook…and have most of our stuff. It took the guys all day to do it, just in time for the rain to come. And it has not stopped raining. We looked at the forecast and its supposed to RAIN till…WEDNESDAY!

You know, I love rain….BUT I only love rain when… I am sleeping. So…I have been trying not to be a Grumpy Gertrude or a Cranky Cathy. Now that we don’t have a cook cabin…this means we don’t have a stove, or oven….or a fireplace…or a covering when we eat. So...we are under a tarp…cooking on a grill…playing games.Oh the fun. Josh and I still get to sleep in a nice cabin (called the nest…don’t worry,pics will come up to explain when I get home)where its warm! As far as food and throughout the day living…I had to plan out meals so we could last till Wednesday and I already forgot some of the major things like…extra cups…or silverware.

Today was a laughing instead of crying moment. We woke up (at least I slept in till 8!) went outside…got soaked with rain, and then I started to make pancakes. The stove took forever to heat…and so as I poured the batter onto the pan….i realized…I didn’t have a spatula to flip them. So…I used a piece of cardboard and a fork. We laughed about it. So…rain+me=not so good.

So…please pray that the weather dies down a lil, because if its stormy by Wednesday…then we have to wait till its better. Ha. Good thing Caleb stored extra chocolate for me…our joke is…if I get grumpy, he’ll throw a candy bar my way so I calm down. Ha.

Its not all bad! Its been quite the adventure, and I will remember this forever. I realized how blessed I am to come out here with my hubby and with Caleb who is practically a brother to me. There are not a lot of people that I would want to spent that much time with!

For Monday night and Tuesday night, we are all sleeping in a tent. We all haven’t showered since two days ago…and don’t have a shower till we leave. Oh Lord. …Two smelly boys + small living AND sleeping space+ cans of beans (that’s all we haaavvee) =a possible recipe for death for a woman.

So…just pray that we laugh a lot (we already have been…its REAL camping now) and remember that this was a great experience and also remember that we will be home soon!

7 days till we are back in Redding. In a way I am sad that I am leaving…but I am definitely ready to be home!

Love you all!!

Oh…p.s..because I had some time today… I calculated this.

I have been in Alaska for: 45 days...
Been at fishcamp for: 40
Total days at fishcamp: 43
Total days in Alaska : 52

I realized today that when this trip is done...  I will have cooked and cleaned (give or take a couple days here and there...this is just an estimate)


3 meals a dayX 43=129
Cleaned dishes by hand 3 times a dayX43  meals a day=129

Thats a lot of cookin' and cleaning! I think i would be ok to say that when i get home...I am gunna take a break :)

Time flys by when...

When u r havin fun in alaska!
Wow.
Here we are, the 17th of july! Where did the time go? It definitley went by fast but there were many daya where thet felt as if thet never ended, especially with it always being light here.

I was journaling today and realized we have 8 more daya at fishcamp and then 5 more days in girdwood before heading back to redding. So many words oir pictures cannot ex press what I have been through...good things,hard things,challending,stretching and rewarding things that I dont think would happen outside this experience. I am definitley exhausted but ready to still push,through and enjoy this last week.

On the 13th if this month, tobey (calebs dad) came out with two friends from redding,a father named randy and his daughter named jen. They stayed for a week andwere great company! I was just gettinf used to cook for three hungry men(caleb,toby,josh) and then I was cookin'for 6! They helped me every time with the dishes tho...that saved my life! Randy was quite the hoot...he helped me peel the fresh shrimp,clean them (de-vein) and boil shrimp! Which wereveryyyyyuummmy,in case u were wondering. Jen was super sweet and showed me adorable pictures ifher two sons will and jack. I showed her wedding pictures.bey took all of us to see the beautiful glacier inbetween mountains called nelly wan (sp?) It was this massive glacier that had been formed over thousands of years! ( ill post pics when I get home,from the phtos taken with our camera.) There was a hiking spot up the side of the glacier that was obviously on the side of the mountain sowe could get a better view. We sW chunks fall and heard them splash, which was pretty awesome! We had a picnic up top,on a beautiful sunny day.

One of my fav. Moments in alaska for sure. There were also clearwater ponds up in the mountains,and yes,u guessed it, josh and caleb jumped in! I was lactually bumed I didnt bring my bathing suit..but Jen had the greatest idea...why dont we leave and u and josh...yes...i am going to say it...Skinny dip! (we r married..ok? ) so while everyone else climed further down..we laughed,jumped in,screamed because it was freezing glacier water,and jumped right out! Number 2
on a great alaskan moment haha!
We have had a few accidents while being here, of course most of them happen to me...i fell down pretty hard on my bumm on our hike to the glacier anad have a big bruise to prove it!.
I also hada real scare with our oolld oven. Apparently it was lit with prpane,but it didnt,catch the flame. So for about a half hour prpane had been running. I didnt know this,so iwent to l
ight it and tjis huge ball if fire came rolling out towards my face.,thank the lord, my head was ttturned.,but the right side of my hair was burned,not all! And my eyelShand eyebrowsr singed A

lil bit :( moral of thestory? Dont let a man light the old stove. ha. Jk,but really. oh accidents.anywho..hopefully I will blog again,but these are just some highlights.

Its been beautiful here.,im enjoying the mountains around me...and taking this adventure for all its worth. Live u all,and I get to see u soon!

Happy 4th of July!!

Happy 4^th of July Everyone!

Ha. Last night, we went to bed to the sound of people throwing fireworks off their boats.  You see, practically any type of firecracker is allowed here….so you know…fire crackers and boys= pure BLISS!  There is this one especially called Seal bombs (no…they are not used to kill seals. They are just a bigger type of firecracker) Today the guys got excited and threw one in the water and yelped after it exploded.  A few days ago we (meaning the guys, not me) put one inside a soda can and it blew it to pieces. Ha. Oh boys.

Before coming to Alaska, I was excited for the 4^th…but then I forgot that it never gets dark here! Ha…so fireworks are still fun, but definitely not the same.

I was reflecting on this exact time last year and Josh and I had been married for about two weeks. I remember feeling so tan and fit.  We spent most of the night laughing with our close friends, Jess and Tim and Lib and Jess’s friend Rachel while we watched fireworks by Sequoia school. I remember sharing and reminiscing about our wedding day because it was so fresh in my mind and how it was one of the best days ever.

Today as I sit here while it rains and the boys are fishing for most of the day, I first thought of that memory and became a lil sad.  Last year this day we didn’t know then what was lied ahead of us, or how changed out lived would be. We didn’t know what was to come! (but aren’t we so thankful that we don’t?) I mean, we have had a wonderful first year together, but it has also been super hard. This includes Just dealing with how to live with one another, communication as well as a lot of family issues that was going to weigh on our shoulders. But, knowing what I know now, I would never take this first year back because it has made me stronger as a woman and a wife, let alone a sister, daughter, friend…etc.

I also reminisced about this time last year while working on scrapbooking my wedding album (yes…I just started…this is one of my goals to get mostly done while I am here!) I was looking at wedding pictures, and looking back on how hard I worked out for that day and became more sad and then frustrated. I began to pray and ask the Lord to help me get over this “image” I had of myself and how I should look this way, should eat better, or should i? …blah blah blah.

I then realized it’s so toxic to think this way. One of the best things on this trip has helped me strip my negative self-image. I don’t have a full length mirror to look at my outfits in; I don’t have a hairdryer, makeup (ok …just mascara and tinted moisturizer but I hardly wear it!) curling iron, flat iron, let alone cute outfits, I’m in the dang wilderness!(what was I thinking? Ha-ha)  I didn’t realize that this has been one of the biggest hardships for me. I have always been self-conscious about my awful skin. But the only mirror we have is in the cooking cabin and its tiny (of course, boys live here). I shower every three or four days (and camping without a shower for that long is brutal…but at least I have a shower!!) My hair is an afro when I wake up and I wear dirty clothes because I have to wait for the sun to come out to do clothes by hand. But honestly, I have been finding that being a servant to Josh and Caleb, loving myself and NOT caring is way more beautiful than anything I could wear. I know that sounds simple, but it’s the hardest thing, I think especially for a woman.  I have been making big, hearty meals for the guys and of course eat some myself, and then I start freaking out if I have gained any weight. My goodness, our minds can be such war zones to who we REALLY are! Such lies, and yet so easy to believe.  I am wonderfully and beautifully made. Who cares about my hair, or my makeup? Really! And I have found myself not even looking the mirror lately, thinking about my weight or caring what I look like. I am blessed because every day my husband tells me I am breathtakingly beautiful. That he is so thankful that I am supporting him. Those words and the heart behind those words alone are worth more than any makeup to make cover my insecurities...

Sorry that I am venting but this has been on my heart the whole time. I know that this has been one of the things that God is trying to strip me free of. To free me from being captive to my negative thoughts or reminiscing on how I think I should look. Don’t get me wrong, I need to take care of my body, and that is worth it! J

So…all to say, I remember this time last year, and it makes me miss my close friends, but instead of making me sad that I don’t look “as good” as I did, I rejoice because I am only who I can be today. One day at a time and CHOOSE to not believe these lies. I am in Alaska for heaven’s sake, with a man who loves me and could care less about what i look like and with a God who wants to mold me into a beautiful woman, not on the outside, but to the very core…to my heart. And this is worth more than anything to me.

Sooo. Yeah. The sun is poking through right now, so I am going to read, or skip….or do nothing if I want. Sigh. And I am so okay with that.

Love you all.

19 Days in Alaska...

Wowza,

It’s only officially been 19 days since we have been to Alaska and almost only 2 full weeks of being at fishcamp. Oh my, what an experience so far. There are so many stories, and I could go on and on, but some are better in person.

I have to be honest that this trip has not been easy, I have had my good days and my bad. I am in a better mood when the sun is out, but for the last four days it has been gloomy and cloudy…this is went I tend to be a more Grumpy Gertrude…I read in a cookbook (our of all places!!) that it said…even on a gloomy day, flowers still lean toward the sun. That totally put things in perspective for me.

Its so funny how the Lord has met me here, in ways I never thought of, which was my prayer before I came out here. We barely get internet, and when we do, its not for a long time because my phone dies. This has been both good and frustrating for me. It is frustrating because I want to call my sisters, family and friends. However, this has been really good for me, because it has unplugged me from everything that takes my time away from rest and reliance on the Lord. I have realized how much I long for physical touch and someone to talk to, especially because I spend a lot of my days cooking and alone with just the birds chirping outside and the sounds of boats going nearby. Let me tell you, there are days when I have gone a lil crazy…and Its only been two weeks!

I realized how much as an individual, and as a society that we rely to heavily on our connections to facebook, email, texting and actual human contact in order to fill us up or make us happy. I really thought that I would be fine without it, but clearly this trip has shown me so far that I rely on those things to feel connected. Don’t get me wrong, these can and are good things! It just becomes bad when its ALL we rely on. I realized today while journaling and being grumpy, that people would die to get away from all the noise, from all the commotion, and I am blessed with this opportunity.

So, today, I am resting in the silence, knowing that I CAN just sit here, and relax, and not have an agenda (which also drives me insane!) I am spending more time praying for the ones I love, reflecting over this hard yet amazing year with my new husband. This is what I have been praying for the lord to show me, and he has freely given this time for me to REST. To TRUST.

I have also realized that I am quite the cook! I have always felt insecure in this area, and was nervous that I have to cook for two boys who eat A LOT! But I only have a certain amount of food to cook with, I cant go to the store, so it has forced me to be creative. (Also, cooking three meals a day, plus deserts and in-betweens have also been a challenge! Let me tell you! So much more respect for stay at home mamas and cookin mamas and papas. Ha)

Last night I made a pot pie kind of a deal with veggies and a pie crust that I made from biscuit mix. I have made an amazing homemade chicken noodle soup that the guys love. I have also CAUGHT a rock fish…which was so much fun to catch…and cooked it for dinner! I have never cooked fish before, and I guess the guys said I cooked it perfect; it was gone in maybe…5minutes. So, all to say, I am a good cook, and I am becoming more confident, instead of searching for an answer…”is it good?...I am sorry if it tastes weird…You don’t have to eat it” response.

The guys have been working so hard lately! I have gone out on the boat a few times with them and have had so much fun, especially learning what they do, new terms and eating Salmon! Its hard because Josh and I dont get much time together...but its also been good for us. Hard, but good. We knew that this could possibly happen...so we have to just deal with it. Of course, Josh is in his element...he is LOVING every minute of it.

 Its so interesting how it works out here...they fish for Salmon using big nets that they set in the water. They go and check it three times a day if not all day. Its hard to explain but Ill post a video soon so you can see.When they get the fish in a boat (they put them in a big bag) they go and sell it to a Tender (sp?) Tenders are boats on the water that wait for fishermen to bring them their fish so they can go on and sell it to bigger companies. Its funny, because its like a competition...Tenders are super nice, they give you treats!! (which i love) and they give you a price per pund that they next boat who is wanting to buy may sell higher or lower, it just depends. Its interesting!

Josh and Celeb come home exhausted, but nonetheless, they are two peas in a pod. They have a lot of fun together, which is so good, because they spend most of the day together. They made up ridiculous silly songs and laugh a lot. I will be inside cooking and I will hear them outside giggling for minutes on end. It has been hard without a girl nearby, but I am so thankful for the Browns in the next campsite over. They are Calebs Aunt (sara), Uncle (Mike), Grandma (nanny) and cousins, (oldest Colby, middle; Titus and youngins’ Timmy and Sylvia (who are twins!)

I have been so thankful for Sara and Nanny who have welcomed me with open arms, they help me with recipes, let me borrow pans, and let me talk to them! IT has been such a great experience getting to know them. Timmy and Sylvia are my camp buddies. They come over once or twice a day and we play cards, laugh, talk, explore tide poles, and make up new fun games. They have been such an encouragement to me, and it makes me love kids even more, especially reminding me of my excitement for when I become a teacher.

So…I think that is all the updating thus far…I will try to update again when I can.  Please just pray for endurance for the guys and I…and for patience as well as renewing of our spirits, minds and hearts so we can come back refreshed and refocused.

I am so thankful and blessed. I really am. Know that wherever u are at in this season of your life, be thankful, because you wont get these days back. Yesterday you cannot change, you cant worry about the future, so all you have it Today…this moment. Enjoy it!

Love you all.

Miss you.

My oh my!!!

Phew!
Where to begin? I am out in the wilderness trying to get a signal with this phone, so sorry if tje spelling is a little off.,today is Josh and I's year anniversary. Instead of getting up early to make breakfast for the guys,they let me sleep in and josh made me breakfast. I am now sitting iverlooking thecocean in,awe of this beauty god has set before me. This time last year I was putting my wedding dress on and comitting my life and heart to josh..one,of the best decisions yet. This year has been hard,challenging yet so rewarding. Live is selfish and a chouce, I choose to live him no matter what, its been hard but life changing. we have had to cling to one anotjer and.the strength of the lord. It has made me a better person.

This experience in alaska so far has also been hard,challenging yet so rewarding. There is toouch to write on how much ive seen and enjoyed so far. Just yesterday caleb, josh and I saw a bald eagle swoop and grab a fish out of tje water right in front of us!i have seen porpouses
( dolphins) and sea lions and an otter!

I have done laundry by hand,cook three meals a day, and went 5 days without a shower and I picked some,fish pretty dang good. Caleb said I officially get my Alaskan woman award. I get to wake up to breathraking scenery of alaskan mountains and gave found rest that I have beeb longing for 4 so long. Please pray for strength and endurance for the guys. We dont get much service, so ill update as much as I can. Love u all...

And so it begins...

Sorry I havent posted yet! Its been kind of crazy busy here! We arrived in anchorage on thursday at 6pm...Caleb came and picked us up, it was good to finally see him! It took us about a 45 min drive to calebs.hometown, Girdwood. My goodness, it is beautiful beyond belief. The first pic below is a pic from the drive there. We met Cece Calebs mom and Steve calebs stepdad, try have been nothing but hospitable to us! It haz been really fun. Cece tells me fun stories bout caleb and we laugh a lot :)

Cece has taught me how to make homade tortillas which are super yummy and happen to b calebs fav. She also makes sourdough pancakes. This has to be started and is an ongoing mix that has been in the same pot for 60 years! Sourdough cakes r an Alaskan thing and alaskan miners started it. They are delicious.

Obviously we arent out at fishcamp yet...we wont b out to fishcamp till tuesday, we are spending this time to shop and get last min stuff for camp,which is nice so we can get adjusted before camp...woo!

So the other picture was taken at 1130pm! Its great for a nite owl like me, but its throwing me off! We went to a fun local festival where we saw jim roan from grateful dead, it was enertaining. The girl taking our tickets went to Sutter high school with josh, that was wayyy crazy small world!

We actually drove to Homer,Alaska which is about 4 hours from Girdwood. Calebs grandpa Jim lives here and is so sweet! We came to pick up a boat for camp called Lady Byrd #1 which is beautiful. We got to homer late so we decided to stay the night which was good because we were sleepy. We got to go to dinner and walk around cute lil shops, I got an Alaska mug...i know, I am a tourist . So far caleb and josh call me mom, because I am telling them...stop bickering and farting...haha but we have been having a lot of fun, Caleb is a good brother. We have laughed a lot together...so with all that said, we absolutley love it here so far....

Stay tuned!